They Want to be Loved and Left Alone: Living with a High School Senior

Dr. R. Fred Zuker is a featured monthly columnist in the Education section of The Jackson Sun

They Want to Be Loved and Left Alone: Living with a High School Senior

High school seniors are special people. They have arrived at the pinnacle of the high school mountain. They are successful, revered and are the leaders of the school. Seniors are also in that twilight stage between adulthood and adolescence and often bounce back and forth between the two. Seniors can be demanding and childish but they will push for the autonomy and privileges that are associated with adulthood. The old house rules of curfews and chores don’t apply to them any more because, “They are seniors.”

Parents of high school seniors are often perplexed by the seeming indifference of this age group. Teenagers in general may be dismissive of their parents but high school seniors appear to be in their own world with little or no need for parental interaction. They are often so closely connected to their peer group or “crew” that they have little time for the normal interactions of the family with parents and younger siblings. Any attempt to bring them into the normal round of family activities is met with eyes rolling or the dreaded disdainful response, “whatever.”

Parents are reminded that the life of a high school senior is remarkably demanding. Seniors are under intense pressure to perform in tough academic courses, take leading roles in extracurricular activities, perform important household duties, live a social life and concern themselves with all the college admission procedures. In addition many seniors work long hours on top of all their other activities. They are also coping with decisions about lifestyle issues such as smoking, drinking and sexual activity. It is small wonder that they are distracted, uncommunicative and in many cases, physically exhausted.

High school students routinely suffer from significant sleep deficits. Seniors are particularly prone to this situation because they are usually given permission for later outings and to stay up ostensibly for studying. Parents should monitor the amount of sleep their seniors are getting. If they show signs of excessive fatigue, falling asleep at the dinner table for example, they may need to adjust their schedules. Falling asleep at the wheel has had tragic consequences for many sleep-deprived older teens.

Parents who are aware of the demands on the lives of their high school seniors will be much more sympathetic to their often unspoken need for emotional support. The following are some suggestions to help parents support the beleaguered high school senior:

• Avoid nagging the seniors who have difficulty managing their lives. A better approach is to place reminders in a prominent place (such as the refrigerator) as to schedules and due dates.
• Monitor the seniors health and see to it that they get enough sleep by adjusting the family schedule when possible to give them valuable down time.
• Negotiate the house rules regarding curfew and chores. Such things can be adjusted to recognize the demands on the senior in other parts of their lives.
• Keep communication open with the senior. They may be uninterested in conversation but they will often open up if the opportunity is presented in a non-confrontational, inquiring manner.
• If you haven’t had the drugs, drinking and sex talk with your senior it is high time to do so. Avoid judgmental statements but rather focus on consequences, maturity and responsibility.
• Remember that you may not always understand what your high school senior is doing but you never stop loving them

Parents of high school seniors who are mindful of the difficulties of this time will be able to stay in touch with their teen. Teenagers may want to be left alone some of the time but they want to be loved by their parents all of the time. Give them that love unstintingly and they will never forget it.

R. Fred Zuker, Ph.D.
Lambuth University
Jackson, Tennessee